As the doors opened at the next stop, four or five people shuffled in and a middle aged gentleman took the seat in front of ours. Both of us, in deference to his presence, took our feet off the seat and sat up slightly. He smiled and nodded slightly, and I returned the greeting. As the train started to move, he struggled internally for a second and then leaned over.
"Excuse me," he started and I perked my eyebrows in the way that shows someone you are listening. "I was wondering if you two moved your feet just now because I'm black."
I was surprised. "Oh... oh no, because I know some people would think it's rude having your feet up."
"I think y'all should make yourself comfortable, I don't mind at all."
"Well thank you." I think I put my feet back up, I can't say for sure. But I kept thinking about the exchange later. My actions, I thought, had been innocuous, polite even. But if it looked like that to him, how could they have been?
No, I hadn't fallen victim to the Fear Of The Black Man On The Street In America -- it was because countless times I had been chastized by teachers to put my feet down, because you have to respect other people's space in public, because he was older than me.
At least, I think?
That my friend is the problem/issue with biases. We have come to a point where we demonize them. We view them as some sort of "Snidely Whiplash" phenomena. Not ever in their proper context, as something that has been acculturated. Or that only through that discussion can we get to the root of those perceptions and biases.
ReplyDeleteWe rarely discuss what they are, just that they are bad, doing ourselves and our society a great injustice. A good example would be how some African-Americans (I would include myself in this) do not take kindly to being referred to as 'articulate' or 'well-spoken'. To my ears there is the reek of condescension. As if to say, "You are an anomaly. I was expecting someone who dropped their 'r's'!". Now I fully understand that, in general, the person giving the compliment means no harm. But that doesn't stop what those comments trigger.
So yeah, your perceptions gave you a certain view of things, while his gave him his. The simple truth is somethings have been drilled into us on such a fundamental level, that we even view overtly polite acts with suspicion at times.
This story was (obviously) brought to mind by recent stories in the news. I figured you my friend would have some thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThe lesson to learn --at least, the lesson I learned from the described events-- is that sometimes your actions are perceived by others differently. This is something that many of us who have never been eyed suspiciously by strangers have never even considered.
The first step to discussing what our biases are is acknowledging that they even exist. That what you say and do is always up to interpretation.
And that sometimes your actions, despite your reasoning and logic and understanding, may actually be rooted in biases you don't like admitting you have.
also, it might be that in your particular case people mistake "articulate" to mean "has a good vocabulary" or "uses words i don't know the definition of."
ReplyDelete