Impractical Joke?

So I was thinking as a joke, I'm gonna have a child.

Lehman Frères

"I want the government going over their books like a catholic priest and a ten year old boy."

Casting Stones

Don't tell me you haven't woken up in the morning and gone DAMN.
'Cause I know every one of you all have. And if you haven't, well
then your life sucks.

The Greatest Analogy

Remembering analogies like this is why I did so well on my English SATs:

"Experimental lesbians are like T-Rexes; they can't see you if you don't move."